Let me hear you call my name.
joyce twenty - one registered nurse and i truly love my job! i love my family and i'm proud to be a chc member, from CJ zone, alice's cg nothing beats living life to its fullest potential More than words.
miscellanous
You know you love me, too.
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Thursday, October 28, 2010
gave it a final try.it really seems hopeless.. God, what should i do? please God, tell me how? Sunday, October 24, 2010
i'm finding my first Love again..no more whys.. this time, i'll be silent. only You talk.. and i'll follow. nothing else. nothing. Monday, October 18, 2010
God did answered my prayers. at least partially..be grateful, joyce.. be grateful.. Thursday, October 14, 2010
watched eat, pray, love last night with geraldine and wendy..i need tatuk now.. in desperation. understanding the story of the boy who cried wolf. now that i really need you i really need help and yet i cant see or find you is it going to end just like that? i really need you. God, if really, i can have one present, one wish for my 21st birthday, i wan reconcilation with the both of them. i wan our friendships to be restored. please God.. Tuesday, October 12, 2010
it really isnt as easy as what i thought..remembering what pst used to say in church "don't rehearse it, don't nurse it" the betrayal i've implicated on you is reflected by ur response to me. these are words that keep coming up into my head.. recalling what pst say. this method seems to help. just close my eyes n tell myself "with God, there is no condemnation, i am believing for restoration. yes, God, i am believing You for restoration" therapeutic ABG. its still sore and swollen. but it resolved my SOB, and at least, a little more functional today. i think i managed my resus team quite well. God is good, i had a peaceful shift.. lining up programmes to keep myself occupied. its too scary to face an empty room all alone. in times like these, i really wished i still have you to talk to. i'm praying, believing, nothing is ever too difficult for Him. restoration, reconcilation will come.. it will.. Monday, October 11, 2010
a lesson that has to be learnt the hard way. perhaps you're right. maybe this is the wake up call from the foolishness of lying to people, esp those who are closest to me, people who loves me..i am really sorry.. still praying for the day where there can be restoration.. recieved an email from MOE today.. wanted so much to share this good news with you.. but i guess, u need space.. learning to be independent, a change in character, a tree that will bear fruits of repentance. Sunday, October 10, 2010
today marks the 49th day of grandma's passing on..didnt sleep last night, couldnt sleep till it was almost dawn.. time really flies.. went through the rituals, visited grandma's urn, ate lunch at where grandma used to love their vegetarian hotplate sambal fish... now, i have nothing to be concerned about. being a christian, one of my concern was a grandma that was a devoted buddist.. she used to bring me to temples, made me fold incense papers, burn joss sticks..and i would abide, even after being a christian. but slowly, i stopped going to temple with her, she had to go on her own. even on days when i am free, i would find excuse and not go with her..and i know, grandma is v upset when i reject her.. on certain days, i would still give in..help her to burn joss sticks.. i've never folded as many incense paper as i ever did. until the week of wake when grandma passes on. i kept folding, and folding. a sense of guilt? or just trying to make up? i started to waver.. thought of funny thoughts.. kept thinking that grandma wil be back to visit, she will be back to visit.. and yes, i did dream of grandma.. it is also because of that dream, that gave me the courage, the strength to make a very tough decision.. came back from the rituals, decided to pack my table. and pray. spent some time reading the bible, which i have not done so for quite some time.. decided to started from the beginning.. came across this verse. background : it was the chapter where cain murdered abel. verse 7 "if you do well, will you not be accepted? and if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. and its desire is for you, but you should rule over it" i've sin, lied to a group of people that i meant alot to me.. it was a foolish mistake, i am truly sorry about it.. but i have broken something called trust, and it is the heartbeat of a relationship. its a lesson learnt, one that is learnt hard.. lying destroys a relationship... no words is able to cover that.. one will only know a tree by its fruits. the only way i can win back their trust is by the fruits a bear - fruits of repentance.. from this day, praying will be a habit once again. no more being lazy.. joyce, be disciplined!! i'm sorry.. |
Goodbye.
michdaph huiying nanny raisa genie dewei denny victoria ci en xingjuan |
