Let me hear you call my name.
joyce twenty - one registered nurse and i truly love my job! i love my family and i'm proud to be a chc member, from CJ zone, alice's cg nothing beats living life to its fullest potential More than words.
miscellanous
You know you love me, too.
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Sunday, October 10, 2010
today marks the 49th day of grandma's passing on..didnt sleep last night, couldnt sleep till it was almost dawn.. time really flies.. went through the rituals, visited grandma's urn, ate lunch at where grandma used to love their vegetarian hotplate sambal fish... now, i have nothing to be concerned about. being a christian, one of my concern was a grandma that was a devoted buddist.. she used to bring me to temples, made me fold incense papers, burn joss sticks..and i would abide, even after being a christian. but slowly, i stopped going to temple with her, she had to go on her own. even on days when i am free, i would find excuse and not go with her..and i know, grandma is v upset when i reject her.. on certain days, i would still give in..help her to burn joss sticks.. i've never folded as many incense paper as i ever did. until the week of wake when grandma passes on. i kept folding, and folding. a sense of guilt? or just trying to make up? i started to waver.. thought of funny thoughts.. kept thinking that grandma wil be back to visit, she will be back to visit.. and yes, i did dream of grandma.. it is also because of that dream, that gave me the courage, the strength to make a very tough decision.. came back from the rituals, decided to pack my table. and pray. spent some time reading the bible, which i have not done so for quite some time.. decided to started from the beginning.. came across this verse. background : it was the chapter where cain murdered abel. verse 7 "if you do well, will you not be accepted? and if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. and its desire is for you, but you should rule over it" i've sin, lied to a group of people that i meant alot to me.. it was a foolish mistake, i am truly sorry about it.. but i have broken something called trust, and it is the heartbeat of a relationship. its a lesson learnt, one that is learnt hard.. lying destroys a relationship... no words is able to cover that.. one will only know a tree by its fruits. the only way i can win back their trust is by the fruits a bear - fruits of repentance.. from this day, praying will be a habit once again. no more being lazy.. joyce, be disciplined!! i'm sorry.. |
Goodbye.
michdaph huiying nanny raisa genie dewei denny victoria ci en xingjuan |
